Mass Middle-East strip-off

HAVE the Israelis taken up rugby? Last week we discussed how, in days of yore, celebrating club rugby players would tear about the streets of Durban stark naked late at night, entertaining cinema-goers on their way home. This was part of the ethos of amateur rugby.

Now Associated Press tells us some 300 people lined up starkers the other day on the shore of the Dead Sea and smeared themselves with white paint. Was this another rite of rugby?

No, this group were posing for American photographer Spencer Tunick to draw attention to the way the Dead Sea is shrinking (and no doubt becoming saltier) due to the waters of the rivers that run into it being diverted to agriculture.

A good cause indeed and it seems Tunick specialises in this kind of thing.

He has taken similar pictures in the French wine country, at a Swiss glacier and on a South African beach. (This would no doubt have been

Mpenjati, the nudist beach on the South Coast.) Nudes smeared with white paint – the Israeli tourism authority that organised the mass strip-off, know what they’re about – as do the French wine-makers, the Swiss glacier buffs and the Mpenjati folk who supply the sunburn cream.

Rugby defined

A DEFINITION of rugby comes this way: A collision sport of elegant violence where the ball is moved forward by throwing it backwards. Some say it is the best time a person can have with 13 other people and a hooker.

Hoot mon

SCOTTISH breathaliser … this wee feller in a tartan kilt is holding a set of bagpipes.

Says another wee feller in a tartan kilt: “Wha’s that?”

“I call it a Scottish breathaliser.” “How’s it work?”

“Ye juist blaw intae this pipe here … and if ye like the sound it makes ye’ve had tae much tae drink.”

Important message

A MESSAGE from the Department of Health.

“Tonight at 9.30pm a medical satellite will fly over South Africa to take everyone’s temperature.

“Please stand naked outside your front door and hold your passport open towards the sky.”

Tailpiece

SHE’S single. She lives right across the street.

I can see her place from my patio. I watched as she got home from work this evening.

I was surprised when she walked across the street, up my driveway and knocked on the door.

I rushed to open it.

She looked at me and said: “I just got home and I have this strong urge to have a good time, dance, get drunk tonight!

“Are you doing anything ?” I quickly replied: “Nope, I’m free!” She said: “Great! Then could you look after my dog?”

This senior citizen status sucks!

Last word

YOU can’t please all of the people all of the time, and last night all of those people came to my show.